He liked it, so he put a ring on it

It's going to be quite long! I had wanted to write this since we got engaged (31st July) but I procrastinated.

Being the typical dreamy, imagination-driven girl I always was, I've always tried imagining how I would be proposed to. I wasn't crazed on getting married, as I didn't have a marriage-worthy relationship, but I liked the idea of it; I know most girls nowadays prefer to call themselves feminist figures who "don't need no man" in their lives, but for me, while I can survive on my own perfectly well, I love everything romantic and cheesy and really, really, really wants company, being brought up in an only-child family. Idk, I suppose some only childs get by pretty happily on their own, but while I've learnt to entertain myself I find myself yearning for companionship rather often, wanting to share everything with someone, and it's probably no accident that I was pretty involved in a number of relationships back then that even my mother was surprised lol.

To me, I'm extremely against the idea that romance fades with marriage; I stand firm that it's all about how you manage your marriage and communicate your needs with your partner. We all know someone who is still crazily in love with their partner after years of marriage, so shush, it can be done. The only thing is whether your partner is even that compatible with you in the first place, and whether there are things that you die die also want to change about them or not.

But I digress. Well I may have thought about things, but I never would have guessed how it would come along to me. Nor would I have thought that my engagement would come before the proposal, which he declared that he would surprise me one day in these few years.

Which is because our engagement isn't a surprise at all, haha.

I guessed in recent years I've evolved into a kind of planning person- I would plan about my future, but not what I will do tomorrow or which hotels to book for my upcoming trip. It's more like I'm terribly afraid of the unknown far future, and having future plans, even though I know they might change, makes me feel safer, a bit more grounded. It's worse when it comes to relationships, I've become super paranoid about change and need constant reassurance that everything will be fine.

Like I said of my yearning for companionship, I'm terrified of being lonely. I'm terrified of change and of caring so much for certain people once and then they just walk out of my life just because we grew up and we changed. It distresses me emotionally, I mean we all experienced this but it made me feel like every single person I ever cared about is temporary and that nobody will be able to be with me until the end of time.
Idk, I guess I should just grow up but eh, certain people can't handle certain things and I'm quite hard up about separation.

Anyway I'm supposed to write about a happy occasion and here I am turning it all into an emo post LOL. Rest assured that we didn't get engaged because I need reassurances about the relationship lol. We got engaged because I am reassured enough of the relationship. Does that make sense?

So our engagement was planned, together, so it wasn't a surprise in any way. We're in a long-distance relationship so in a way our engagement would cement our relationship into something stronger. I don't know and don't care if those are the right reasons to get engaged, but to be honest, while a change in status isn't much use even if something happened in the future, it makes us happy. Like, truly happy. We know we're both serious about this and it makes us just so happy that that is the case. Everything is just a formality, sure, you can be forever together without getting married ever, sure, but we love love love doing this and it was a special thing to us.

I also love how we were straightforward in our discussions about our future and what we expect from it, and also being pleasantly surprised to find that our visions are heading the same way. It's just freaking sad to witness many long-term relationships fall apart because one of them isn't ready or didn't have the same views on life in general. I personally know somebody who dated for 10 years and broke up because the other person had no plans on getting married. I mean, like, wtf? You're together for 10 years and nobody ever brought up this topic? Seriously, it's the 21st century and I think it's super important to communicate what long-term plans you have for the relationship lol. Never mind if it's not set in stone, at least have an idea just so that everything is fair and transparent lol.
I ACTUALLY HAD MY NAILS DONE FOR IT HAHAHA (and my hair too as you can see)

We went ring shopping a few times, which was really fun. We literally ended up with the first one we fell in love with two months before, but at that time had felt too expensive to consider. We upped the budget a few times during the process (initially we had a budget of RM300 max but realized it's impossible to find a plain white gold band at that price, let alone one with diamonds, so we upped to RM1000 but couldn't get a good quality one, then RM2000 max, then to RM4000-5000? I can't remember exactly. We also debated on a solitaire or a plain one, the former being more expensive.) When we were fell in love with it at first we had a budget of 1k and it was around 2.5k. After around 10-15 shops and countless choices later we again saw it and immediately loved it even though we didn't remember having seen it before. The price was a lot lower than what we had been shortlisting (there were a couple of 5k solitaires on the shortlist) and it is a platinum (not white gold!!) band set with diamonds so it was a very quick yes yes yes.

(Platinum bands are much more expensive than white gold, but they are more durable, long-lasting and heavier. I love heavy bands. You can't always tell diamonds from fake, especially smaller diamonds, but you can always tell cheap sterling silver from platinum by its weight. Also it won't yellow over time like white gold does!)

However the ring wasn't available in my size in Penang. It was available at other stores and we could have had it sent to us but that would mean waiting two weeks, and I really wanted to get engaged on the last day of July (weird af I know) so we just called every store in Malaysia to check if they had it in my size, then flew down to the store (in KL), and took it with us right there. I was so happy! :D We chose this as he told me he would make it up to me and arrange an actual surprise proposal with a solitaire one day, when we could actually break the news to our families. So don't worry that I didn't exactly break the news all over my main FB.

I wanted to write more but this post has become long. I'll just end it here and make another post about ring shopping so just check that out if you're interested in our experience (which was hilarious af cause we went to so many and always had some funny things to say about the salespeople lmao)

not sure if it's legible but we had 2020.9.9 and his chinese name engraved on it :)
If you know mandarin you'll know why we had the date written so! :D
Date is set to be in 2020, 4 years from now. I actually wanted it to be 2019, the year I'm graduating, but I figured it might be a little too rushed, as that means I would have to make the majority of my planning from afar. Also the reason why it's not now-2018 is because I'm on a government scholarship so I can't do shit like get married. I mean I could but I need to write a letter for permission and that's annoying so I'll wait. And also 2020.9.9 carries a nice meaning in Mandarin!

I'm not good at waiting such a long time but I'll distract myself with Pinterest inspiration boards and take some pre-wedding pictures and watch lots of Say Yes to the Dress and schoolwork!... I can wait! :D The most important thing is that we're committed to each other and that's all that matters :)

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