one and 1/2 year of cosplaying

Roughly speaking, I've been cosplaying for a year and a half. Honestly it isn't a very long time - I know so many who have been in the community for four, five, even ten or more years.

But, as I was moving over my first cosplay post from my old blog, I realised how far I have come. I looked back at my post with all my first few photos in it and I was like, nope, there's no fucking way I'm putting it up here.
But then I thought- why do I have to be ashamed of being a noob when I was just starting out? Surely I did not expect myself to look like I had years of experience under my belt. In fact, I was so proud of myself that I actually dared to put up some as my profile pictures on facebook back then. Now I wouldn't be caught owning similar pictures lol. -deletes them as soon as I see them-

A couple of those pictures turned out pretty good that I still like to this day. Kudos to my makeup artist Marishka who did my makeup for me so my first time won't look too bad. Actually, that's not very representative of my first time. The first time I did everything by myself looks more like this:

Oh God I don't even want to look at it lol. 

After about 6 months I tried again with this result:

Some improvements, but still terrible. Here's a selfie of my most recent Asuna cosplay, which is about a year after the previous picture (I haven't had time to shoot this yet):

It's far from perfect, but I'm really happy that I've actually improved in my makeup and, while the pictures cannot prove it, my posing, my expressions and other skills to look the part.

My life has changed a lot too after being in the community for some time. I try to stay out of dramas and fights and not get personally involved in them. I don't like having to deal negative energy with people; I am generally negative, but having to deal with quarrels/fights/tension is just a huge no-no. I'm the moody type, not the fighting type. I want to be happy in the community, and if there's too much negative vibes, I will leave and I don't want that :(

I also noticed a transition in my outlook and priorities within this hobby - initially I just wanted to do it for pure fun. I love C.C (my first character) and dressing up as her sounds like fun. Also I attended an event before cosplaying, and the groups of cosplayers milling around the halls look like they were enjoying themselves with their friends. I wanted to join in and to be like them.

Later, I realised that being a newbie cosplayer is super tough. The community is rather close-knit within the same age group (age group as in the number of years being in the community) although different age groups don't mix too well. 

People are inclined to be wary of new people and their intentions. They are wary of selling their items, wary of talking to you, wary of what you're doing and contributing as many new cosplayers end up being a real nuisance. 

Photographers will turn you down left and right without so much as a note of apology. Sometimes they make excuses, sometimes they say they're only working with close friends, but the message is clear - you're new, and I don't trust your performance. 

It is with this that I have to thank all those who agreed to shoot my pictures even though I was horrible back then. Without them I wouldn't have had a portfolio and the chance to improve myself. To blend into the community I joined many photoshoot groups, resell my items and got to know new people. 

I later transitioned into a phase where I really wanted to be popular so that I can have nice pictures taken by popular photographers, and people to notice my cosplays. This phase ran for about a year - I dropped a message to every single photographer I like hoping to land a shoot with them so that I can have pictures in their style and have more coverage in the community. 

Now that I have a supportive fellow cosplayer as my boyfriend (not that my ex wasn't supportive, it's just a whole different level of support, you know?) I have again changed my outlook - I want to spend every single moment enjoying this hobby with him. He's my main photographer - I don't care if he starts off noob, everyone does, but I know he has it in him to improve. We discuss all our plans together and often partner up together in projects that we both like. Like how we're fully booked to cosplay together for the rest of this year lol. He is now my priority and I put our happiness first - everything else like popularity comes after. Btw he's incredibly supportive - he's not even the slightest bit jelly that I'm more known around the community, and keeps coming up with ideas to make my cosplays better, how much more could I ask for?!

And so let's hope that I'll continue doing what I love and keep on improving, even if just bit by bit, even if I'm the only one who notices. ahahahahahahahahahaha

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